fuzzypuzzle

Ridley Scott Signs on to Direct Shitty Movie For Boatloads of Cash

Do not pass GO, do collect millions you cheap frickin' whore. Ridley Scott, the visionary director of classic films Alien, Blade Runner and Gladiator has lowered himself to directing movies based on Hasbro board games. From the Hollywood Reporter:

"Monopoly" marks the latest Hasbro property to look to pass go and head to the big screen. Board games and branded properties have become more attractive as studios look to mitigate risk by finding built-in audiences.

Universal is working with Hasbro on several projects as part of a long-term development deal. Platinum Dunes is producing its feature adaptation of "Ouija Board," while the maritime classic "Battleship" is also in development. Elsewhere at Hasbro, Paramount this summer is set to release Stephen Sommers' feature based on its "G.I. Joe" character. And "Trivial Pursuit: America Plays" is now airing as a syndicated television program.

New Pepsi Logo (Ahem, Brand) Pricetag, Several Hundred Million?!

Hey, I don't want to sh%t where I eat, but several hundred million seems a little steep even to me. Kudos to the Arnell group for landing the con job (Ahem) account. They undoubtedly have a very big thesaurus that has lot's of variations for words like "movement", "action" and "heritage".  In their defense, they did make this cute video about the process of redrawing the Pepsi stripe (originally swiped from Coca Cola) and choosing a more contemporary typeface. Read more about conning hapless corporations with bullshit design speak over at Gawker.

Banks Come Out of the Woodwork For a Piece of the Sweet Bailout Action

From the NY times.

At least 15 new banks have signed up for the government’s offer of a cash injection, in addition to the 9 that joined the program initially. The injections are a bid to revive the sector, which has suffered since lending has dried up and many loans have gone bad.

The Treasury Department plans to provide funds for 20 to 22 lenders in the current round of a $250 billion bank recapitalization program.

Nine of the largest banks, including JPMorgan Chase & Company and Citigroup, received the first $125 billion of capital infusions two weeks ago.

The additional 14 banks that have announced they will use the government funds includes: PNC Financial Services Group, $7.7 billion; the Capital One Financial Corporation, $3.55 billion; the Regions Financial Corporation, $3.5 billion; SunTrust Banks, $3.5 billion; Fifth Third Bancorp, $3.4 billion; KeyCorp, $2.5 billion; Comerica, $2.25 billion; the State Street Corporation, $2.0 billion; the Northern Trust Corporation, $1.5 billion; Huntington Bancshares, $1.4 billion; the First Horizon National Corporation, $866 million; the City National Corporation, $395 million; Valley National Bancorp, $330 million; Washington Federal, $200 million; and First Niagara Financial Group, $186 million.

I really cannot believe that this is the way it's going to go down (?!) Capital One is on this list. You know Capital One right? The company that is constantly bombarding you with multi-million dollar television commercials, advertising their product. The company that charges you 14% for the privilege of using their wonderful card. Yeah them. They're taking 3.5 billion of your tax dollars on top of that. You're cool with that, right? Because "whatevs", there's plenty to go around. This is America after all.

These Retarded Americans Will Be Voting, So You Probably Should Too

Ron Paul Says No to the Bailout

For more details and links to contact your representative visit the Campaign For Liberty. UPDATE: Links to senators Clinton and Schumer are currently "busy and unable to connect" Democracy in action! (insert screeching eagle of Liberty SFX)

Washington Mutual on Avenue A in the East Village

Quotes On the Bailout

"I'm not going to fire you; you can still be called Congress. But you don't have any power."

      — Jon Macey, Yale Law School professor and deputy dean, providing an allegory for Secretary Paulson's proposal

*

"As of now we [journalists] are, as a group, behaving just as we did the
last two times the administration sought to rush through a hastily
thought out, ill-conceived plan. Why in the world are we being so
gullible and naive?"

      — Former New York Times reporter David Cay Johnston

*

"What the proposal actually did...was explicitly rule out any oversight, plus grant immunity from future review... [I]f Paulson can't be honest about what he himself sent to Congress... there is no reason to trust him on anything related to his bailout plan."

      — Paul Krugman

*

"If you think the Bailout of All Bailouts...won't saddle American taxpayers with billions, if not trillions, of risky obligations, you don't know politics... Never before in the history of American capitalism has so much been asked of so many for...so few."

      — Robert Reich, former Secretary of Labor

*

"We are talking about ten thousand dollars per household, and that money
cannot simply go into a black hole of bad debt."

      — John McCain

*

"Americans can no longer trust the economic information they are getting from this Administration... Secretary Paulson's market predictions have been consistently wrong in the last year."

      — Republican Senator Jim DeMint

*

"This is scare tactics to try to do something that's in the private but not the public interest. It's terrible."

      — Allan Meltzer, former economic adviser to President Reagan
and Carnegie Mellon professor of political economy, quoted in the New York Times

*

"Watching Washington rush to throw taxpayer money at Wall Street has been sobering and a little frightening."

      — Newt Gingrich

*

"Many economists argue that taxpayers ought to get more than avoidance of the apocalypse for their dollars: they ought to get an ownership stake in the companies on the receiving end."

      — New York Times front-page analysis by reporter Peter S. Goodman

*

"Seriously, is there anybody out there willing to write George Bush a blank check?"

      — Democratic Activist Christine Pelosi

I'm MAD AS HELL, and I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore!!

Obama '08.

So is the Government Going to Bail Me Out?

This will come as no surprise to anyone, but according to Lee Pickard (former director, SEC trading and markets division) the SEC allowed "special exemptions" (ie. insane and irresponsible deregulation) for the five big brokerage firms. Goldman, Merrill, Lehman, Bear Stearns, and Morgan Stanley. 

The events of the past year are not accidental, but rather the result of an SEC decision to allow these firms to legally violate existing net capital rules that, in the past 30 years, had limited broker dealers debt-to-net capital ratio to 12-to-1. Instead, the 2004 exemption -- given only to 5 firms -- allowed them to lever up 30 and even 40 to 1.

Beaked Monster Washes Up On Montauk Beach

GAWKER, the epitome of scientific veracity, reports that some type of beaked monster has washed ashore on a beach in Montauk. This thing is clearly one of the many nightmarish creatures prowling the dark undergoround labyrinths of the Montauk Project. Hey, I think I just invented a video game franchise!